Whenever I teach, I hear myself, saying, ‘if I could get this phrase tattooed, I would!’ I am obsessed with words. I am hooked on discovering teachings that connect all the dots and turn my thinking upside down. I love finding words that break open new possibilities I didn’t even know existed. Aside from my very low pain threshold, I would run out of space to get all of the words that have transformed me tattooed. So in lieu of finding a parlour that could do the miraculous, I’m going to share some of my favourite words and sentences that have blown me away. Knowing that the Internet is a type of memorial, given the impossibility of erasing anything that is ‘out there’ digitally, I hope that these words start conversations of critical thinking and connection.
Print by R.Robyn. Please cite the author/artist if you are quoting any words or re-producing the art. Ta!
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Thus it is the task of women rabbis today to try and penetrate the silence imposed through history, to reclaim the woman’s voice, discover woman’s story in Judaism and proclaim it to the world. Shema Kolenu, O Eternal One, Hear Our Voice.
Rabbi Sybil Sheridan, Hear Our Voice, p.xiv.
At my Bat-Mitzvah (aged 13), I had two very special guests of honour whom I thought were very cool. The first was the gorgeous Tony Warren, creator of Coronation Street, (may his memory be for a blessing). I remember being stood on the steps of the synagogue as he handed me a present - the perfume Mitsouko by Guerlain. I was bowled over and never felt more mature and glamourous. I have treasured that perfume so much that I still have the bottle and even kept the penultimate spray for my ordination day as a rabbi!
The second guest of honour was Rabbi Elli Sarah (Emeritus Rabbi of Brighton & Hove Progressive Synagogue, https://rabbiellisarah.com). Elli, like Tony, were friends of my mum. I was in awe. At the young age of 11 I had decided to become a rabbi. And, in my synagogue, at my Bat Mitzvah was the Rabbi Elli Sarah. She was wise, powerful, learned and a truth-teller. Elli too handed me a present. It was the book, Hear Our Voice: Women Rabbis Tell Their Stories, edited by Rabbi Sybil Sheridan. Alongside the perfume, this book has travelled everywhere with me.
I have returned to this book for my PhD research (with thanks to Rabbi Margaret for the nudge!). I can see that I've underlined various passages. I don't know when I first read and annoated the book - could I have been that keen at 13 years old (possibly!) or maybe when I applied for Leo Baeck College? Either way, a younger Robyn, full of hopes of communities of dialogue and justice, of more truth-telling, of beautiful fragrances, of like-minded people dedicated to community and study, to lifting up the holy in the everyday. Now, after re-reading the book again, I shed a tear.
I find in the book, 30 years after it was published, all those who came before me and whom I now have the honour of calling my colleagues. I find honestly searing articles and wonder whether the hopeful 13 year old me could even have heeded the reality check that this book gives for lives of female rabbis. I am sure, then, like now, I felt the vision and potential laid out in the book - feminist ways of reading texts, creating rituals, imagining theology. So, nu, why the tears? In part because I so miss my teacher Rabbi Sheila Shulman (zichronah livracha - may her memory be for a blessing) and her words dominant the book for me. I hear her voice so loudly and it continues to compel me.
I also shed a tear for the hopeful 13 year old Robyn, new to Torah, excited about the Jewish world before her. I know the path she will take and that all will not be as it seems. She will recognise that the brokenness she thought she was off to fight in the world 'out there' was right in front of her and within the sacred places she so loved. As I sit with my colleagues and their thoughts at the dawn of a new time, I ask....
Is it me?! Am I alone in holding these painful questions?
No, they answer. You are not alone...
We should consider why we tell children that no, God is not an old man in the sky, yet we never bother telling them that God is not an old woman in the sky. We don’t need to, because we think it so unlikely that any one should be under any such delusion. Rabbi Rachel Montagu, p.167.
Two major difficulties emerge once you subject Judaism to a feminist critique. One is that there is no going back. Rabbi Alexandra Wright, p.154.
Yes, I can see that. This is painful, sacred work. Tell me about your experiences...
In the interests of equality, I started the second year with a bursary and my West London salary, and I was able to replace my worn-out shoes which I had patched up with cardboard in the soles. Rabbi Jackie Tabick, pp.19-20. ***
There [in the Jewish community of Britain] I was not orthodox enough, or kosher enough, or moderate enough in my disapproval of Israeli government policies, or loyal enough (to whom, I always wondered?), or male enough. I often felt that people in the Jewish community disapproved of me, away from my own congregation. And being disapproved of is irritating... Rabbi Julia Neuberger, p.25.
These words feel raw, and they resonate. And I wonder how much has changed in 30 years. It certainly is irritating.
How did you navigate being the first set of female rabbis?
I can only think that our indifference [to the first female rabbi, Regina Jonas] grew out of an attempt to be like men. Rabbi Sybil Sheridan, p.x.
Yes, I have learnt that it took me far too long to realise that gender was at play in how I was tolerated as a rabbi and that liberation would come when I could inhabit all that I was, alongside those doing the same.
What can we do?
We need to be both loving and critical, and make the text ours, and alive for us in new ways, which is after all exactly what community after community of (male) rabbis have done over the millennia. Rabbi Sheila Shulman, p.39.
Love. Critical Love. It isn't easy...
Living on the boundary means taking real risks, and it hurts, and I’m sure we’d all rather have a quiet life. We’re doing what we’re doing because we feel we have to. We are awkward. We make trouble. And we certainly do not go about crying ‘Peace, peace, when there is no peace’. Other people do that. Rabbi Sheila Shulman, p.58.
Yes, you would always say - 'who said Judaism was comfortable?'
Who is 'we'?
Meet Rabbiner Regina Jonas and talk with Beruria, says Rabbi Elli Sarah.
Greet Lily Montagu, says Rabbi Margaret Jacobi.
Lie and recite the Song of Songs, says Rabbi Sybil Sheridan.
Find your strength through Judith, says Rabb Sheila Shulman.
Fly a while with Lilith, says Rabbi Barbara Borts.
Open the gates of heaven with Bitia and Serach, says Rabbi Margaret Jacobi.
Worship at the New Moon, says Rabbi Amanda Golby.
Create new rituals, says Rabbi Marcia Plumb.
Put apart the divisions, says Rabbi Sylvia Rothschild.
Retreive the feminine, says Rabbi Helen Freeman.
What next?
To return for a last moment to the Jewish world - we are in a crisis of belief and commitment, and we need to concentrate our energies on the transcendent side of our task. The synagogue should not be a battleground; it is, rather, to be a place of essential existence, of harmony and of contentment, a world without boundaries between man and woman, the world and the Jews - humans and God. What a radical and liberating concept that is! Rabbi Barbara Borts, pp.178-179.
As I sit with all these emotions, I talk to my colleagues from my vantage point now, back to then, as they boldly come together to envision a new reckoning. I sit with them and realise that it is not that I am damaged but that our institutions and theologies are damaged. And, most importantly, there is a community out there who understands and have been charting a way forward for us all. The avodah (sacred work) has already begun and there is much more to be done.
*** Do have a listen/watch of our conversation with the wonderful Rabbi Jackie Tabick on the Rabbiting On podcast - series 1, episode 20. https://www.reformjudaism.org.uk/podcasts/rabbiting-on/
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