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Ayecha? Where are you? An Elul Reckoning

Updated: Sep 13, 2022


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Ayecha? Where are you?*


I am here.


No. You are not.


Look over there!*


That won't work.

Where are you?


Ok, I am hiding.


Where?


In the baggage.*

In my baggage.


I heard your cry.*


I hoped you would.


Stand up, speak.


I cannot.

I am cowering.

The world is burning.

The oceans are rising.*

I am paralysed.


There is nothing new under the sun.*


This is new. This is total.

I am hugging my child.

Hear my cry.


You are crying too.


I cannot stop.*


Why aren't you wearing your kippah?


They keep asking me,

Can a woman wear one?

I am tired.


Of what?


The struggle.

Of not fitting in.


Who said it would be easy?*


I know.

But I want to stay here.

I want order.

I can control everything here.

Out there...

It's chaos.

I...


Where are you?

Put your phone down.


I got distracted.

They need me.


I need you.


They are angry.


Good.

Change is needed.

The idols need to be broken.


I would rather hide.

All the hate.

We are each made in Your image.

I want that world. Not this.


Fear and grasping are holding you back.*


I try to find divinity in everything.

But I am distracted by the grasping.

If I have, it will be better.

They promised.


They lied.


I know, but the lie is comforting.

The prophetic call is too powerful.


They all say that.


Where are you?


I am here.

Where are you?


I am living in projections and stories

of what they all think.

I am stuck in scarcity.


I know.

Come back.

Return.

Breathe.


I am trying.

But the world is burning.


I know.


I can't stand up.


You must.


I know.


Ayecha - where are you?


I am here, with you, the lover of the marginalised, the warrior of justice.


Hineni.*


Together we go.

Together we go.



__________________________________________________________________________________


* 'Ayecha?' The question asked of Adam - Genesis/Bereshit 3:9. I am inspired by the work of Rabbi Arthur Green (Radical Judaism), Walter Brueggeman (Prophetic Imagination) and Edmond Jabès' poem, 'At the Threshold'.


* 'Look over there!' - Drag queen, Jaida Essence Hall.


* 'In the baggage'. Here I hide with Saul as he is picked out as the first king of Israel. I Samuel 10:22


* 'I heard your cry'. Again, and again, the Torah recounts God hearing our cries.


* 'The oceans are rising.' This article floored me. Where do we go from here?


* 'There is nothing new under the sun'. Ecclesiastes/Kohelet 1:9. I search for the texts that can answer this age.


* 'I cannot stop'. God crying with us is nothing new in Judaism. See the midrash - Lamentations/Eichah Rabbah 24th Proem.


* 'Who said it would be easy?' Echoing the words of Rabbi Sheila Shulman, z"l.


* 'Fear and grasping are holding you back'. See Sister Simone Campbell (Nun on a Bus).


* 'Hineni' - this prophetic answer of 'here I am, I surrender, I am ready' is repeated throughout the Tanach. See Genesis/Bereshit 22:1 and Abraham's answer - a complicated iconoclast.








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